


It's Worth It, It's Divine

by SLunne



Series: Like Rum on the Fire [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bottom!Cas, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Episode: s09e11 First Born, Episode: s09e23 Do You Believe in Miracles?, First Kiss, First Time, M/M, Mild Body Worship, Switching, Top!Sam, and then resurection, eventually, relationship, season 9 compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-10 00:00:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8918683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SLunne/pseuds/SLunne
Summary: After Kevin's death, Sam finds comfort in an unexpected place. And once Sam had a taste of Castiel, he realizes that he may have found something he never realized he'd been searching for.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time posting a story that focuses on a relationship, so I'm really excited! It's also my first work for Sastiel. This was written as a part of the Sastiel Big Bang 2016.
> 
> Music inspiration for this work: "Cherry Wine" by Hozier
> 
> Begins during the episode 9x11: First Born

The world was fading around Sam. The ache in his body faded to a dull throb, the only sensation being the needle in his neck, and the feeling of Castiel’s hands.

Castiel grunted, and Sam felt the hand on his shoulder tense. “Hold on, this may pinch.”

Sam’s eyes shot open as Cas began to pull the needle out of his neck. “Cas! What the hell – ” Fingers pressing against his forehead shut him up quickly, and Sam felt the rush of Castiel’s grace pushing away the pain. Sam looked at Cas, his eyes wide. “Cas, what the hell was that?!”

Castiel sighed. “I’ve healed your wounds completely.”

“And the grace?”

Castiel’s eyes flickered away from Sam, leaving Sam feeling hollow. “Well, whatever grace was inside you is now gone. What’s left of Gadreel is in here,” he said, brandishing the glowing needle. Sam couldn’t help but notice the pitifully small amount. “We’ll just have to try it with what we have.”

“Damn it,” Sam swore, swinging his legs off the examination chair. He felt his frustration and anger bubbling once again underneath his skin, and he rubbed his hand across his face agitatedly.

Sam could feel Castiel’s gaze, like the angel was staring holes through him. “Sam, I want Gadreel to pay as much as you do,” he began slowly. “But nothing is worth losing you. You know, being human, it changed my view of you. I can relate, now, to how you feel.”

Sam’s eyes flickered up to meet Cas’ briefly. “What are you talking about?”

“The only person who’s screwed things up more consistently than you, is me. And now, I know what that guilt feels like and I know what, what it means to feel sorry, Sam. I am sorry.”

Sam felt his throat closing a bit, and he felt compelled to look back at the angel’s intense stare. “I know.”

“You know, old me, I would have just kept going. I would have jammed that needle in deeper until you died, because the ends always justified the means.” Castiel set the needle down on the table, looking almost disdainfully at it before focusing right back in on Sam’s eyes, stepping closer to Sam where he was seated. “But what I went through, well. It taught me that angels can change. So, who knows? Maybe Winchesters can too.”

Castiel’s face was so close, and Sam could feel his heart thumping all the way down to the tips of his fingers. In a moment that surpassed conscious thought, Sam reached behind Castiel’s head, pulling himself up to meet Castiel, smashing their lips together. Cas’ body hadn’t moved forward from Sam’s pull in the slightest, as if Sam had yanked himself up against a piece of stone. It lasted only a second before his actions caught up with him, and Sam realized he was _kissing Castiel_ , half off the medical chair, his hand gripping black hair roughly.

Sam jerked away and fell backwards, his eyes wide and his breath caught in his throat. “I - I’m sorry, I didn’t - ”

But there was something shining in Castiel’s eyes, and it made Sam’s face burn. Cas’ hands came forwards, cupping Sam’s jaw in a gentle, but unbreakable grip, stepping forwards between Sam’s legs. His dragged his thumb in a painfully slow movement across Sam’s bottom lip, tugging it slightly down, and with curious eyes, brought his mouth to cover Sam’s.

Sam inhaled sharply screwing his eyes shut as Castiel moved his lips, pulling, _sucking_...

Castiel pulled away, fingers leaving trails of fire on his skin, and Sam felt himself weakly following after him, his eyes fluttering open to meet clear blue.

What the _hell_.

Sam could feel the flush in his face, and it depended when Castiel’s brow furrowed.

“Sam, are you alright?”

Sam shut his mouth sharply, suddenly aware that he was gaping a bit. “I’m…I’m fine,” he stammered a bit. “I just...Cas, why did you kiss me?”

Castiel looked at Sam consideringly. “Why did you kiss me?”

Sam had to swallow back an embarrassed laugh, his hand coming up to rub at the back of his neck. “I guess that’s a fair question.”

Castiel’s mouth turned up in a small smile. “I kissed you because I wanted to,” he said simply. “And because your kiss was incredibly short for my liking.”

Sam felt his heart thumping loudly in his chest. “And...would you want to kiss me again?”

Castiel’s smile grew as he bent down to Sam’s level, eyes holding Sam captive. For a moment, Sam held his breath, sure that Castiel would kiss him again. “Yes,” Castiel said lowly, and Sam could feel the words on his lips. “But…”

Castiel’s eyes darted down, and Sam followed him, looking at the syringe glowing innocently on the table. They looked back at each other at the same time, and for a moment, Sam thought there was disappointment in Cas’ face. “Later,” Sam said, swallowing thickly.

Castiel nodded. “Later.”

* * *

 

The spell didn’t work.

The mixture bubbled and boiled, then fizzed out completely, leaving the room looking dimer as the light from Gadreel’s grace disappeared.

“Was that...was that it?”

Castiel took a step back from the table, his head falling back. “There wasn’t enough grace. We’ll have to find Gadreel another way. I’m sorry, Sam.”

The disappointment was heavy and bitter in the air. Sam turned his back on the failed spell, leaning back on the table, swallowing back anger. “Its all right, Cas. You, uh…you were right. You were right about everything.”

There was sadness in Castiel’s eyes, too close to the familiar look of guilt. And Sam didn’t even have to think. He let his hands lead him, one hand reaching towards Castiel’s face, the other latching itself to his waist. Sam kissed him, feeling warm as Castiel met him halfway, both his hands tacking on to Sam’s hips, almost as an afterthought. There was less movement this time. The kiss was grounding, unmistakable in meaning, and _god,_ Sam had never realized how much he _needed_ this.

Sam could have stood there forever, but they slowly pulled away from each other, and as they separated the smallest amount of insecurity wormed its way into Sam’s head. But there was longing in Castiel’s eyes, and Sam didn’t think that a kiss like that could mean nothing. Still, there was so much still unsaid, so many questions unasked and unanswered.

Sam felt his heart clench as Castiel looked back at the empty bowl. “As far as I’m concerned Metatron is the key to fixing everything that’s wrong.” The angel’s eyes meet his, and there’s determination there, an intensity that Sam hasn’t seen in Castiel in such a long time. “I’m going to find him.”

Sam feels himself nod. This is good, a good plan. This is what needs to happen. But his stomach is twisting, and he doesn’t want Castiel to leave. Not now, not when Castiel’s eyes are moving down to stare at his lips, the smallest spark of hunger burning deep beneath the blue.

Sam almost kisses him again. But he doesn’t.

Instead he steps away, ignoring the ache starting in his chest.

“We…we can talk about this…”

“Later?” Castiel says, and there’s no question of the longing in his tone.

Sam nods again. “Later,” he agrees.

There’s no way in hell he’s going to let this slip through his fingers.

* * *

Later, as it turned out, didn’t come until _much_ later.

When Sam ran into Dean again, his brother was different. Colder, and more ruthless. There was too much between them still, too many secrets and not enough answers. And there was a mark, a “gift from Cain,” as Dean had called it.

At first, Sam didn’t think much on it. It was the means to the end of Abbadon, a threat that they were all eager to get rid of. But the longer Dean had it, the more uneasy Sam became. Magnus’ sick obsession with ‘possessing’ the mark and the blade, and Dean’s reaction to killing him set off the first major warning flags. But Castiel’s reaction was the most worrying.

Sam hadn’t seen Castiel since their kiss in the Men of Letter’s library. Sam felt his heart leap at the sight of him, making the aching bitterness of letting Gadreel go slip easily away. But any elation, any anticipation Sam felt at seeing him was lost when Castiel gripped Dean’s arm tightly, and exposed the angry red Mark.

Fear flashed across Castiel’s face, unmistakable, and suddenly every bad feeling Sam had about the mark increased ten fold. As Dean turned to leave, Sam was more reluctant, and the look he shared with Castiel told him that Cas was feeling every bit as conflicted as Sam was.

“Sam, you keep an eye on him,” Castiel said, and Sam could only nod.

Sam left with Dean, unsatisfied, worry churning in his stomach, half of his mind still with Castiel.

* * *

Dean killed Abaddon. He went after Metatron. And Dean was dead.

Dean was _dead_.

Crowley didn’t answer Sam’s summons, and when Sam finally gave up, and returned to Dean’s room, his brother’s body was missing, and note was resting in it’s place, a hasty scrawl that looked sickeningly familiar.

_Sammy let me go_

Too much. It was too much.

At some point over the years, Sam might have thought that losing Dean would become easier, but it wasn’t. The pain in his chest was just as raw, just as gaping as the first time. And how fucked up was it that he had to go through this more than once? But it wasn’t simple, because it never was with them. Dean was _gone_ , and Sam didn’t know what had happened.

Sam didn’t remember much after reading the note (written by his brother? He saw the blade go in, deep, so deep…how could he be sure?), but at some point, there were hands on his face, thumbs brushing away the tears pouring down his face.

Sam’s eyes opened, and all he could see was Castiel, sadness written into the familiar lines on his brow.

He let himself fall into Castiel, holding the angel too close, too tight, but Cas was an angel, and his arms wrapped around Sam just as firmly. And for the first time, Sam had someone to lean on when it felt like his world was ending. He had someone to hold him after his brother died.

* * *

Cas stayed close to Sam at first.

That first night was a haze of tearful whispers and wet kisses. Sam woke the next day to find himself carefully tucked into his bed, Castiel’s watchful eyes gazing at him from the top of his desk.

They spent the day telling each other what had happened on their ends, recounting Metatron’s actions, Dean’s weird behavior. Dean dying.

There was an awkward distance between them that Sam wasn’t sure if he should cross. His mind was too jumbled from grief and anger, but there was a sharp tug of longing every time Castiel brushed past him. Sam wanted to grab Cas by the front of his coat and kiss him senseless. He wanted to go out and find Crowley, figure out what the hell had happened to Dean and why Dean was nowhere to be found. He wanted to kill Metatron.

When a mug fell and shattered in the kitchen as Sam was trying to make coffee despite shaking hands, he nearly snapped.

He pelted the broken shards of glass into the sink, uncaring when the sharper bits cut into his hands. His head was pounding, vision blurred, everything was too much, _too much_.

Sam gripped the edges of the sink tightly, his knuckles white and his head bowed. God _damn it._

A hand on his shoulder finally began to register. Sam felt it pushing him gently, and Sam allowed it to turn him around to face Castiel.

The angel didn't say anything, he just took Sam’s hands into his, running his finger gently over the tiny pinpricks of red in his hands, erasing any evidence of the blemishes ever existing. Sam felt an automatic thanks on the tip of his tongue, but it died behind clenched teeth as tears threatened to fall for the umpteenth time.

Castiel kept Sam’s hands firmly in his own, but was something in Castiel’s eyes that made Sam’s stomach flip.

“Take what you need.”

Sam stared at Castiel, his heart pounding. He couldn't mean...of course he couldn't. Just because Sam had been thinking about it for the past months didn't mean that Cas...but that look in his eyes, that carnal, almost primitive glint...“What…?”

“Take me,” Castiel squeezed Sam’s hands a bit tighter. “Take anything from me that you desire”

“Cas…I don’t – shouldn’t we…” Shouldn’t they what? Wait? _Talk?_ Sam wasn’t sure, but what he did know that nothing had looked so tempting as the angel’s lips did in that moment. And through every other emotion warring inside his head, that longing reared its head up tall.

“I care for you deeply, Sam,” Castiel said. “You and Dean are like family to me. And yet,” Castiel faltered for a second, stepping even closer to Sam’s hunched over form. “I…I feel differently about you than I have ever felt about another. I want to give you everything I am capable of giving. If you want this, if you want me as much as I want you, then _take everything_.”

At hearing the earnest tone of Castiel's voice, Sam didn’t need another invitation.

Sam’s hands broke free of Castiel’s grip, and latched themselves onto his waist. Sam didn’t even think he’d had to move before Cas’ lips where pressed tightly against his. Castiel’s arms had wrapped themselves around Sam’s neck, but Cas allowed himself to be moved by every push from Sam.

It was mindblowing, utterly perfect, fire burning through his veins, and Sam needed more. He lifted Castiel up, and it one quick movement, twisted around to put Castiel on the edge of the kitchen counter, pressing up tightly between the angel’s legs. His hands began pulling at Cas’ coat and shirt, impatiently ripping them away from his body. There was too much, to many layers. Sam felt hands gently pulling at his jeans, and he moaned loudly into Castiel’s mouth, grinding his hips up to feel the friction of the angel’s hand.

With his pants shoved down his thighs, and Castiel’s chest open and bare, Sam broke away for a moment, eyes trailing down Castiel’s body. Cas’ hands came back up around Sam’s neck, and with a brief pull, he lifted himself off the counter. Getting with the program, Sam yanked on Cas’ pants quickly, letting his cock spring into the air. When Castiel sat back down, Sam descended on it almost immediately.

Castiel’s kisses tasted sweet, but it was nothing compared to this.

Sam heard Castiel grunt and his fingers twisted tightly in Sam’s hair, and Sam felt the heat in his stomach kick up. Sam sucked the tip of Cas’ penis into his mouth, pressing his tongue against the underside as he slid down Cas’s shaft as far as he could go, working his mouth around the quickly hardening member. Sam started to sink lower, licking down past his balls, but when he reached his goal, Sam could only breath against that tight little hole, so tempted to just ravish it, but completely captivated.

Sam groaned as he pulled away from Cas' entrance, running his thumb across it gently. “Cas, oh can I? I want…so beautiful Castiel, can I please…”

“Yes,” Castiel breathed, “I want you to.”

Sam leaned forwards to kiss the tight ring, marveling at the silky feeling. He wanted to burry himself here. He wanted to sink in, lose himself in _Castiel_. But he needed…he needed…

“Sam,” Castiel’s voice cut through Sam’s haze, and he saw a familiar bottle in the angels hand, one that was normally stored carefully in the back of Sam’s bedside table. Sam didn’t even have enough focus to feel embarrassed. He took the lube gratefully, and coated his hand, dropping the bottle to the floor. Sam brought only one finger towards Castiel’s entrance. He circled his finger around, brushing against the bottom of his balls and just barely pushing at the muscle.

Finally, Sam started to push in a bit deeper. Castiel moaned loudly, his hips jerking as Sam’s finger first entered his body, and Sam felt a thrill race up his body. He kept his movements slow for this part, savoring every twist and intensifying moment as he gradually pushed deeper into Castiel’s body; as he slowly began to add more fingers.

In what felt like years and seconds at the same time, Sam had four fingers inside Cas, twisting and tugging his lover’s body open.

“ _Castiel_ …” Sam’s voice sounded destroyed, even to his own ears. “So beautiful, so perfect, I need…”

There was a hand on his chin, pulling him up to look at Castiel’s face, and Sam could only gaze up in wonder at the man spread before him. “I need you too, Sam, please…”

Sam rose pressing his lips against Castiel’s once again, using one hand to brace himself over Cas, and the other to line his own throbbing cock against Castiel’s entrance. Sam broke their kiss, his head pressed flush against Castiel’s and he held the angel’s eyes with his own. Running his still lube covered hand quickly over his shaft, Sam began to sink into Castiel.

There was a moan, but Sam didn’t know where it came from. There might have even been two. But all Sam could register was Castiel, and the feeling of his arms around his neck, and his muscles clenching around his member, and his breath hot against his lips.

It was _perfect._

Sam sunk in slowly, pushing about half way in before pausing, his hips stuttering a bit as he managed to draw himself out. The second push was a bit harder, and deeper, and Castiel’s hands where tight around him. Sam slowly started to pick up speed, the sensations feeding him like an addiction, and the more that Sam took, the more he wanted. Soon enough, Sam was pounding away, Castiel’s moans sounding beautiful in his ear.

Sam’s free hand naturally came up to grip Castiel’s cock where it had been bobbing between them, and he felt it dribble down his hand as he started pumping. He tried to keep in time with his own thrusts, but he couldn’t keep up. Everything was just building, higher and higher, and Sam could feel his body tensing up.

Sam cried out Castiel’s name as he spilled inside of Cas. His hips stilled, and Sam kissed Castiel again. Breathing hard, Sam started to pull away gently, and he slumped against Cas. But the angel’s body was still tight, and his cock was still hard and throbbing in his hand. Sam nearly fell back down, swallowing down as much of Castiel as he could manage, before hollowing his cheeks and _pulling_ …

It didn’t take much before Castiel followed Sam’s release, and the angel was sliding down from the counter at once, holding Sam who’d started kneeling on the floor. Castiel began kissing Sam again, his hands running over Sam’s face, his shoulders, his hair, his mouth covering every bit of skin it could reach.

Sam relaxed fully in the angel’s arms, holding Castiel closely as they whispered to each other in the middle of the bunker, finally together.

**Author's Note:**

> Part 2 of this story is on it's way. It won't be posted as part of the Sassy BB, but I'll make it a second story to this series. So if you'd like to read more then subscribe to the series!
> 
> feel free to find me on tumblr


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